So Goes Life

Ugh. That's all I have to say. Ugh. I won't go into detail about my absolutely horridifying week because I don't like to dwell on my misfortunes. Let me just give you a few pieces of advice instead:

1. I do not suggest staying after school until 8-o-clock pm. I repeat: 8-o-clock PM. As my teacher said, "That is not a good way to spend your past-time." I mean, I love school and all, but seriously. Don't do it.

2. Force yourself to be happy about something. It's hard, but it may help you prevent a very ugly, malicious day.

3. No matter how good that cheesecake looks, cut your piece in half! Especially if you've already eaten a steak dinner and feel like you're about to pop.

So my week was long and horrid, and my weekend was short and wonderful. So goes life. We celebrated my mumsy's birthday by partying with my siblings and soaking in some hot pots which felt very nice! My sista came home from college, but she wasn't home near enough! I miss that girl!

Whenever we have family reunions, my mum and her two sisters always sing a song that goes something like this (I'm sure you've heard it):

"Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters,
Never had to have a chaperone, No sir,
I'm there to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome
She wore the dress, and I stayed home
All kinds of weather, we stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Two different faces, but in tight places
We think and we act as one
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up, but no one can
Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister
And Lord help the sister, who comes between me and my man
Sister and me and John
I know deep inside your heart that you will feel the best intention
Sister you will know
You understand that in the far I'll always be you, the men will come and go
All kinds of weather, we stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Three different faces, but in tight places
We think and we act as one
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up, but no one can
Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister
And Lord help the sister, who comes between me and my man
Sister, who comes between me and my man"

I've always loved watching them sing it and then singing it with my own sisters, but I was really feeling the last line this weekend, "Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man..." My sister went on a date when I had hardly seen her, and only my mum and I were left to eat spaghetti while watching NO RESERVATIONS. On the upside, though, it left me a whole evening to myself to get some writing done. I haven't written in over a month; I've been too depressed after losing my thumbdrive that had my latest work on it. Of course I'd saved it somewhere else on my computer, but I hadn't updated it for a while, and I lost near a hundred pages on it. If that's not depressing, I don't know what is. Anyway, I decided it's time to start rewriting at long last, and I played around with the first ten pages or so. I can't decide what POV it would be best told from, so here's an excerpt from the first page of each. I'm open to any opinions on which you like better.

FIRST PERSON:
“Somebody help me!” My best friend’s voice rang out throughout the busy store. A small circle was forming around us, but I could only just barely tell. My eyes opened in a slit, and the little I could see was tilting.

Maggie’s voice was earnest and breaking. I knew she was crying. I tried again to open my eyes… to bring myself back to reality, but it wasn’t working. It was like I was stuck in my head, white flashes breaking across my vision. I might’ve been embarrassed that I was lying motionlessly in Mervyn’s if I wasn’t in so much pain. This had never happened before… I had just felt light headed and then I had collapsed in a faint. I couldn’t force my eyes open nor could I force any of my limbs to move. Like I said, white lightening flashes crashed across my vision, causing excruciating pain. I was a little annoyed—if I was going to faint, the least my mind could do was go unconscious, but no, it stayed wide awake. In fact, it was more alert than it had been in a very long time. So much for trying to cheer me up, right Mags? I thought to myself.

THIRD PERSON (This one is still very rough):
“Somebody help me!”

The voice rang throughout the busy department store strangely muffled by the herd of people that gathered around the two girls. One girl laid on the floor completely motionless, and the other knelt beside her still screaming for help.

Sevrin Jennif McCreedy had passed out almost a full minute ago. She could here the onlookers shouting for someone to call an ambulance. You’d think the idiots would call 911 themselves instead of yelling at everyone and their dog to do the work for them, Sevrin thought dryly to herself. She was irritable, but she really had every right to be. She kept thinking that the least her body could’ve done for her as it was passing out was let her mind go unconscious, too, but no; she was even more alert now than she had been in a very long time. Instead, she was just paralyzed. She couldn’t open her eyes; she couldn’t move any of her limbs.

The girl kneeling next to her had given up on screaming and had taken on to weeping like a fountain. Bless her, Sevrin thought dryly. She loved her best friend Maggie to pieces, but she was just getting annoyed now. Maggie always had been on the more dramatic side.

“She’s dead; she’s dead!” Maggie cried in a broken, pitiful voice. She kept repeating the words like some trained bird.

Another flash. In her mind, Sevrin was screaming even louder than Maggie had been. As soon as she had collapsed and gone paralyzed, excruciating white streaks of lightening had started erupting throughout her body. She could feel them pulling her muscles from her bones and trying to disconnect her mind from the rest of her body. They were very close to being successful.


Please! Tell me what you think!